Not so long ago my day started like any other. Up at 525 am, head off the gym, come home, shower, get the kids on the bus, eat breakfast and start working.
I always jump right into my work day because I love what I do. However, this particular day I was overcome with emotion.
My primitive brain was offering me all the negative and none of the positive about my business. I was not meeting the high expectations I had set and was doing the never useful compare and despair.
Deep down I had an unmet need. I knew I needed support and attention from my husband. Given his travels plus dividing and conquering kid duties, we had been like two ships passing in the night.
So I texted him at work “I think I’m going to throw in the towel on my biz.”
I assumed he would read between the lines that I needed his attention.
Instead of reading my mind, he responded with, “I thought you were on a great path?”
FYI - I was on a great path but I was NOT choosing to see the positive in that moment.
Uggghh… I wanted him to pick up the phone and call me, so why wasn’t he getting the message??
A little while later I texted again “No really, I’m done.”
I thought with this drastic message he'd magically and telepathically feel my angst and most certainly pick up the phone and call me.
His reply: “Why don’t you go take a nap.”
Take a nap?? Ugghhhh. How frustrating. This is not what I wanted from him!!!
So I asked myself as I often do, what would I say to a client in this situation?
The answer was quite simple:
1. Be direct in a loving way.
2. Say how you feel.
3 Say what you want or need.
So I took my own advice and sent him this:
“I feel sad and really need your time and attention.”
Crickets.
30 minutes or so went by and no response. 😒
And then… I heard his car pull in the driveway.
The sound of his car fob was music to my ears. 😍😍😍
What a relief. A huge weight lifted. What I needed was finally acknowledged.
So what’s the lesson?
Emotions often come from an unmet need. When there is something you need in your relationships, don’t dance around it. Don’t expect your partner to read between the lines. Be direct in a loving way. State how you feel and what you need.
Importantly, don’t get attached to the outcome. He/she may not respond precisely the way or when you want. They are not perfect either and may not always be able to provide what you need. Give yourself and your partner grace. But, always continue to express your own truth.
Want to go out to dinner just the two of you? Say exactly that.
Want him to make the reservation and have a specific place in mind? Say it.
Be black & white. It might not seem romantic but otherwise you're leaving what your heart desires to chance. Put your intentions out there, then let go and see what happens! #relationshipskills #directcommunication #meetyourneeds #expandyourpossibilities #lifecoachtips